I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
