When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
