Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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