Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
