Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
