i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
