if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
