You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
