Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
