I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
lets start a swedish sibling band together
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
