you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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