go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This girl is more easily done than said...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
