Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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