Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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