Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
