yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
