Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
