Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
