right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
