my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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