My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
