Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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