Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
