is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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