why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
