You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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