I wish I only lived at night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
