Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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