there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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