They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
