He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
