last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She told me I should be a condom model.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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