Sry I called you an 8
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
