I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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