I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
