you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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