My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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