isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
