Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
