it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
