Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
