Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
