Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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