I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
