WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
