its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
