my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
operation harelip BJ is a go
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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