We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he fucked my hip out of place.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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