the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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