I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
