one might say we're banned from that church
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize