kristin has been a bad kristin
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
