You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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