Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
