this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize