I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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