I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
