this boner is exhausting
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
