Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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