On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
