so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
