my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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