I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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