If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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