and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
