This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
