Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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