They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
