It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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