There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
