ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
