I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
