My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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