I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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