remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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